1. |
Fish Fry Bloodbath
03:33
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Danny moved to the city when he left the Ozarks
Rode home with a tourist who had come from Oak Park
Looking out for a job somewhere that paid
With his second cousin Elmer Jones he moved in
Didn't know he'd never go back again
When he left his country home where he should have stayed
On the evening shift he worked as a head knocker
Kept an automatic pistol inside of his locker
That I sold him that time my baby had the croup.
Well I sold him the bullets and I sold him the gun,
But I never really thought he'd go and shoot no one
And cause the horrible fish fry bloodbath Friday night
CHORUS:
There was a fish fry bloodbath Friday night
Here's the story of the boy who had it in his sights
And the day that finally pushed him over the line.
If he can't have it no one else can
You don't want to cross a fish-lovin' man
You'll have a genuine fish fry bloodbath Friday night.
Now workin' on a schedule was quite a transition
For a boy used to goin' nowhere but fishin'
He missed the hunt but he also missed the taste.
He worked Monday to Friday ev'ry night
Saturday come he went lookin' for a bite
But for eatin' fish that was one day too late.
He started missin' that fish and it preyed on his mind
'Cause all around town he saw all the signs
From the Moose and the Elks and the Veterans of Foreign Wars
Advertisin' fish fries on Friday night
When the folks come eat everything in sight
All the folks that is except this boy of course.
He tried takin' a day off his slaughterhouse chores
They told him "Don't you bother comin' back no more
If you like it so much go eat your fish full time."
So he filled his lunch box full of ammunition
And in a somewhat irate condition
He set out on his short-lived life of crime.
He disrupted the meals at the usual places
Wiped the corn breaded smiles off all the faces
And when he's done he still had one clip left.
But by that time police started walkin
And folks on the TV news had started talkin'
'Bout the unfolding fish fry bloodbath Friday night.
CHORUS
In a river of blood looked like he'd been swimmin'
When he ducked into the shelter for the battered women
He thought some hostages might help somehow.
He waved around his pistol and threatened to shoot
They met him with a 21 gun salute
That was the end of the fish fry bloodbath Friday night.
CHORUS
And that's the story of the fish fry bloodbath Friday night
And that's the end of the fish fry bloodbath Friday night!
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2. |
Love Leech
02:38
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When we go to your place after our date
I wanna make my move before it gets late
But I get no attention or nothin' like that
'Cause I'm in competition with your cat!
Between him and me when push comes to shove
That cat's the one who gets all the love!
You won't leave him for a walk on the beach
That cat ain't nothin'--nothin' but a love leach!
Love leech, love leech
And I can't get you out of his reach
Love leech, love leech
When we fin'ly got married I thought it'll be gravy.
but before too long you went and had a baby
I might look real smart in my coat and hat
but I just can't compete with his chubby little fat!
Love leech, love leech
Now when I was at home writin' this song
t was right about here my better half came along
She just barged right in; she's got a lot of nerve
She said I had to put in this part in her own words:
"You're the one who's always on the PC
When I'm ready for you you got no time for me
You're either in the basement on your computer
Or you're eatin' chicken wings down at Hooter's.
Love leech, love leech
I can't get you in my reach
Love leech love leech"
Aw baby, it ain't like that.
I'm only doing that because you're too busy for me.
Besides it ain't like you make it sound
I have to promote my burgeonin' musical career
it's called "networkin'"
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3. |
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The right-handed man who’s preachin’ bout unity
forgets what he said when he’s huntin’ down you-and-me
The next time I hear him talkin’ high and mighty
There’ll be a mob in the street chantin’ kill righty.
Dexterity is nothin’ but the tool of an idiot
Talkin’ bout numbers let’s see what you can get
Don’t he realize that he’s thinkin’ with his left brain
When it comes to thinkin’ he’s cruisin’ in the slow lane
Don’t know what I’m sayin’ check the name of this song
It’s called “Left Is Right” fool, and right is wrong.
When you meet me, well don’t make the mistake
Of givin’ me your stupid sissy-ass right hand to shake
I may go on and take your right hand in mine
But the Uzi in my left hand will blow your mind
Yeah I’m from the left but I ain’t no socialist
If you want a name you can call me a gauchialist
A militant lefty who’s highly pissed
And while I’m on the mic I’ma make the most of this
I’ll wait by your house till you’re out of sight
And I know that you’re gone for the rest of the night
When I get through shakin’ hands with your wife
Then I’ll be the one that she calls Mister Right
Yeah your right-handed bitch I’ll screw her for the hell of it
But come to getting’ married I won’t think too well of it
Left handed girls give a man what he really needs
Recessive genes to satisfy my superior seed
Don’t know what I’m sayin’? Check the name of this song
It’s called “Left Is Right” fool, and right is wrong
We’re a sinister-lookin’ mad as hell gang of southpaws
In your world we ain’t afraid to break the laws
My homies on the base better hide behind your shield
Cause I’ll bring ‘em all home with a hit to right field
A leftist militia’s headed to your town
And we won’t be leavin’ till the rights are put down
There’s gonna be a massacre in the street
Then we’ll dance on your grave with our two left feet
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4. |
Robot Rag
01:00
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MAIN VOCALIST:
Have you heard the things they say about these new
robots?
DAUGHTER:
I heard they're cute!
CAPITALIST:
-- I heard they're not!
MAIN VOCALIST:
Since they've come the factory has gone to pot
-- that's the robot way!
MAIN VOCALIST:
Bribing politicians for political favors
CAPITALIST:
Corrupting our youth!
MOTHER:
-- I heard they're white slavers!
MAIN VOCALIST:
All I know is that I wouldn't want them as neighbors
-- Keep these robots away.
Before they settle in we need to drive them out
-- Keep the robots away.
Before they settle in we need to wipe them out
-- Take the robots away.
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5. |
The Christmas Grab Bag
02:53
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INTRO PART: C - - - / C - - Bb / C - - - / C - - Bb/
VERSE 1:
I'm [C]wondering once again what I should get for you this year
A [Bb]gift certificate maybe a new six pack of beer
I [C]don't know what you like at all or what you like to do
So [F]here's a nice new twenty dollar [G]sweater just for you [C]
RIFF
Then INTRO PART: C - - - / C - - Bb / C - - - / C - - Bb/
VERSE 2:
I'll telephone your household to find out what you want
And then I'll go out to the mall to gather and to hunt
If you have to buy for me I really can't help you that much
'Cause [F]when it comes to Christmas I would [G]like to all go dutch [C]
CHORUS 1:
[Eb]I've [F]got you in the grab bag You mean so much to me
I [C]see you all of twice a year Let's gather round the tree
It's like [F]going for a checkup at the opthomologist
You [G]know it's coming each year so start making out your [C]list
RIFF
Then INTRO PART: C - - - / C - - Bb / C - - - / C - - Bb/
VERSE 3:
When it comes to spending it's not the cash I mind
it's the thought that counts; what I don't like is giving up the time
I wish it were a task to delegate to some young elf
So I wouldn't have to interrupt my thinking about my self
CHORUS 2:
I've got you in the grab bag You mean so much to me
I see you all of twice a year Let's gather round the tree
It's like going for a checkup with the staff psychologist
You know it's coming each year so start making out your list
RIFF
Then GUITAR SOLO
Then RIFF
Then INTRO PART: C - - - / C - - Bb / C - - - / C - - Bb/
VERSE 4:
Requesting what you really want would complicate it so.
And would make whoever got you know you're really a weirdo
You would have to know just way too much about the real me
So I guess I won't ask for that book of child pornography.
CHORUS 3:
You've got me in the grab bag and I know that we
are looking forward to when we will gather round the tree
It's like going for a checkup at your gynecologist
You know it's coming each year so start making out your list
WALK DOWN FROM C TO F, beginning…
CHORUS 4:
I've got you in the grab bag You mean so much to me
I see you all of twice a year Let's gather round the tree
It's like going for a checkup at the ophthamologist
I know it's coming each year so I'm making out my list
You know it's coming each year so start making out your list
We know it's coming every year
so we're making out our lists.
RIFF
Then INTRO PART: C - - - / C - - Bb / C - - - / C - - Bb/
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Backdoor Frontman Elgin, Illinois
Sometimes-comical original songs from an arguably prescient arguably genius edge-lord.
Yep.
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